I almost cried at work because of it. I was angry, annoyed, pissed, at everyone and everything. All I wanted was some angry music to calm me down...but every song I came across was relevant to him, in some way.
I want to toughen up. People think I am being pathetic and that little things like that shouldnt bother me, but the fact is, they do. It is not my choice, it is not something I can control, it just...is.
I know a lot of people are worried about me right now. I DO seem to be getting worse, and I am aware of it. I couldnt do what he did. Not because I am not capable, because it is an easy thing to do, but because of the effects. I may not be a part of they Twomey family, but I feel as though that would really make things worse for them. And as Dayna told me last night, I couldnt do it because of Charlie. I have been around Charlie three times now, and he is such an incredible boy. Wisdom and strength beyond his years, and such a big heart. Not to mention, my family. Their reaction to CJs death has shown me that it would destroy them if I chose the same path.
I love all of you above, and my friends. I am trying so hard to get through this so please, bare with me. Please, help me. Please, support me. If I am too much for any of you, I understand. If you dont want me in your life anymore, I understand. But dont play with me head. Be straight with me from now on. But thank you, and I love you, to those of you who are true.
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