Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What An Emotional Day

Today has been rough. I have been in bed all day, besides class, and I just can't seem to shake this feeling that I was to just burst into tears. I know what is causing it, but there is no way for me t eliminate the problem. It is what it is and none of us can control it. I am stressed out, hardcore. I am taking it out on everyone. I just want to run, away, and not come back for a very long time. I want to hide under my blankets for 14 months. But in the end, what good will all of that do? It won't keep him here, it won't help him when he is gone.

I need to perk up, be happy, or at least fake a smile. I need to get my head ready for this, and also my heart. I have been sick to my stomach for days and it is starting to effect the rest of my body. This weekend is it, for a very long time, and I am terrified. I said goodbye before, but not for this. Not for this long. My hands have gotten shaky, my body has gotten weak, my back feels like a wooden board, and sleep has been little to non existent. Pray. Pray for him, pray for me, pray for his family, pray for everyone over there. Everyone needs it.

I love you. You mean the world to me. This is going to be so very hard, but I know that we are both so strong and we can get through this and overcome it. Get your head on straight, get ready for it, fight the fight and come home. My arms will be waiting to hold you.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Good Surprise :)

Today I got out of work at 11 and decided to go with Jordyn and John to surprise CJ. He was surprised, so surprised he hadn't even gotten dressed yes xD! We had a great day wandering around Auburn and playing Wii. I really love him, and the fact that his deployment is so close is terrifying me....his party is in 6 days! HOLY CRAP! *sigh* this is going to be super hard....but he means the world to me and we are going to get through this no matter what!

In this song pretend that the "him" is CJ ;)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Such a Block

I have nothing to write about! Theres so much to say and no way to say it....I just am so stressed out by everything going on right now....All I want is to lay in bed and have someone bring me some tomato soup and a grilled cheese :(

Thursday, January 21, 2010


So yesterday I started my Practicum-aka playing with kiddos for 4 hours a day 2 days a week! They are SO awesome! They love to play, they love it when I read to them, and I absolutely adore them! I am so excited for this, the only thing I am not excited about is, I have to be there at 7:45 in the morning!

My classes seem pretty cool this semester, I am very happy with that. I am going to need to have fun in class since this month has been hell and is only getting worse.

CJ leaves in 13 days......for 14 months....how the hell did this happen?!? I can't even believe it! His party is next weekend....that is going to be tough but I am so incredibly proud of him and everything he does for me, for his family, and four our country.

Second, my grandfather is dying.....His heart, lungs, and kidneys are failing and we all have accepted that we are running out of time with him. I am so happy that CJ and my grandfather got to officially meet and talk. My grandfather loves him and is so happy for us.

Pray for me, pray for CJ, pray for his family, pray for my family, we are all going to need it.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Years!

I know everyone says "A new year, a new me" well I think that is wrong. I look around and so many people are using the fact that it is a new year to end their relationships, to party hard, to be..different. Well, not I. There are things that I want to change and to work on of course but a whole new me? Why? People love me for who I am. Some things I do want to work on are:

1) Keeping my relationship strong while he is deployed

2) Lose some weight, it needs to be done

3) Do better in school, my lowest grade was a C+ but I can do better

4) Find another job for summer, I am going to need to stay busy while he is gone
5) Keep my friends close, and not push any away

6) Spend more time with my family, ALL of my family

Those are my goals for right now. Number one is one of the most important because I have never had to go through a deployment yet. Any thoughts and prayers will always be greatly appreciated. Happy New Years to you and yours. Here's to 2010!