Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I am really getting sick of these flashbacks....they scare me and always happen at the worst times. I was cashing someone out at work today and nearly burst into tears because everything about that day came rushing back. I have no idea what triggered it or why it happened but it wasw horrid.

I am still crying from it....why? Why wont they stop? Why is my life forever altered because of his stupid decision? I am so angry! I dont want to be mad at him but I am...I am so mad! I still have to live this life and when I am plagued by nightmares, even when I am awake, it makes life hell. It makes waking up every day hell. I just want this to stop...
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1 comment:

  1. Laura ~Peach~November 10, 2010 at 6:35 AM

    have you told him you are mad?
    not long after he made this decision I had to let him know how i felt how hurt and mad i was at the selfishness of his decision has changed everyone he loves... I am not mad anymore at him ... Iam sad that thepeople he loves have to hurt so much because no matter how bad things were no matter how much he thought those things coulld not be fixed... they could have.
    it is my thought that you must face and deal with each emotion as it comes to you and one day you will be able to go a day without crying with out feeling like you should have been able to do something differently to know that even in his pain and bad decision he still loved you and one day you will be able to just smile.
    just remember each day to be greatful for something and to name it out loud... to keep that attitude of gratitude DOES make a difference ... in time.
    love you kid

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