Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm Home....

Well I survived the two flights home, even though I was absolutely terrified! Not a fan of take offs or turbulance, may have made myself look like a baby a few times but hey, I did it with no medication!

The trip was amazing, but there were definitely sad points like I knew there would be. When we walked into the Harry Potter part of Universal I was dumbfounded but my heart sank. CJ would have loved it, he was so excited to go with me this summer. Somehow it did not feel right to be smiling and laughing when I did not have him by my side.

I found myself looking through the glass door at the house, looking at the pond, and feeling so guilty that CJ wasn't there with me. If he was still here, we would be married and living in a place like that, and life would be perfect. But he isn't isn't perfect....and I have to accept that.

In other news, I go down to Meps Sunday night to process Monday morning! I am SO glad that this is finally happening I need to be gone for Christmas. No, running away will not help any, but I can sure as hell hope it makes it somewhat easier. I would rather have a TI screaming in my face then be reminded over and over again that my beloved fiance is not there to spend Christmas with me.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Florida Tomorrow...

I was always supposed to go to Florida this summer...CJ and I were supposed to get married and move to Florida near Darrin...tomorrow I go to Florida with a family I absolutely adore...but it's not mine...I am so very happy that I was included and I am sure it will be a great time but I am scared.

I have only been to Florida once, when I was in 8th grade...I never saw myself going back without him. It is going to be hard to see what I am missing....but I am hoping a great time is coming. I worked 7 days in a row, I need some relaxation.

Lately I have had the best support from someone I could ask for. This person has been my best friend since elementary school and I thank God for him every day. I don't think I would make it through without him....