Played a whole lot of WoW last night....Natya finally hit 70 :) I do know he would be proud of that. But it just is not the same. I miss him sitting next to me nerd raging and yelling at silly noobs and giving me that sweet smile every so often. I miss his pally saving my ass from stupid murlocs...I miss him. I started playing this so we could have something to do together and now to play alone, it is very hard.
I suppose this is silly...I suppose some will think this is ridiculous....but for me it is yet another reality check that the love of my life is gone and he is not coming back. Some days it doesn't hit so hard, some days it's just like he is gone to work, but then reality sets in and I know that is not the case. I have dreams sometimes where he is alive and when I wake up it is like being hit in the stomach.
I miss his blue eyes, his gorgeous smile, his silly laugh, the way he would throw me over his shoulder if I was bad because he knew I could not keep from laughing. I miss falling asleep on the couch rubbing each others feet, I miss baking cakes together, I miss sneaking around Poppa's apartment with the nerf gun and scaring him. I miss going to Shaws EVERY DAY because he had to see if the food selection had changed. I miss shopping with him. I miss stealing his clothes. I miss EVERYTHING about him. I would give anything to fight with him right now, to be in tears, to hear hateful words, because AT LEAST he would be alive, and I would be able to see him.
I feel like such a jerk, but when I see people crying over a silly break up I get angry. At least that guy/girl is still alive, you can still see him, talk to him, there is still a chance that it will work out for them. For me...there is no chance, there is no calling and hearing his voice, there is no chance that I will run into him somewhere and that, that is just devestating..