So...it is my 20th birthday...and I am not sure how I feel about it. A whole lot has happened in 20 years, a whole lot that I never imagined possible. I have loved and lost, cried and laughed, learned to forgive, and learned to forget. I found the love of my life, and in an instant he was gone. Met a new girl, and that makes me very happy.
Today is a hard day. Last year on my birthday, I went to KFC, Taco Bell with CJ and some friends and had an amazing night; 9 years later he chose to leave this world. This year, I stayed awake until midnight with Kotye, just so she could say happy birthday, and she held me until I fell asleep. I was so very happy, but it is so strange to spend my birthday with someone else, but, in a good way.
I feel so very strange. SO happy that I have Kotye, so lost because CJ is gone. I don't know how to act, should I smile, should I cry? I don't know. I know that 20 years has been a HELL of a ride, and I sure hope the next 20 look a little bit better.
Thank you to everyone who has wished me a Happy Birthday, I really appreciate it and I love you all.
![Tinkerbell =]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Me3uAMP3m6E/Sl9-chtCbJI/AAAAAAAAADY/GUsI-YBn-mI/S269/thwink.gif)
I think it's OK to celebrate and mourn together. Birthdays are as much about looking forward as looking back. I think you have much to look forward too.
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